It is the end of day 8 of the vipassana course. For me, the day has not gone well. My mind has wandered and the sensations were blind or cloudy at best. Thankfully, it is now time for the discourse. The hour where Goenka explains and reaffirms what we are doing and why we are doing it. Provides the encouragement needed to face the coming days. And this was one discourse I was to find would hold a lot of meaning for me.
He begins with a story. A quote from Gotema (Buddha). It goes:
“There are four kinds of people in this world. Those running from darkness into darkness. Those running from darkness into light. Those running from light into darkness and those who run from light into light.”
Buddha always realised that his words would be read into and so he always explained his meaning when his stories were over in terms all would understand. Here is the meaning of the above passage:
Those people who have bad lives, miserable lives, are living in darkness. People who steal, kill, lie, crave and live without dhamma. And if they continue to live this way, when they continue to steal and lie then they continue to run into darkness. Their lives will continue to be miserable and full of saddness.
Then there are those people who have had bad lives, miserable lives, lives without dhamma but who have begun to change. Who are now leading dhamma lives. These people are running towards the light. Towards enlightment. Good things are coming towards these people.
There are others still who already have great lives. All the money, food, pleasures and so forth that they could want have been there. These people have had good karma in the past and it is playing out for them now. But if they begin to lead non-dharma lives, these people will begin to lose this lifestyle. They will crave, begin to steal and lie and so begin to run towards the darkness, towards a life of misery.
The final set of people also have a great life. They have all they need and are happy. They are content with what they have. They continue to enjoy this life and work hard to keep it without using lies and deceit. These people continue to run, to live, in the light and the happiness remains.
Luck? Good past karma catching up with me? Or had I actually earnt it in the present? For whatever reason, I have had a good life. A priveledged life. I have been living in the light. I´ve never gone hungry, been cold or been without a roof over my head except by choice. I´ve never truly wanted for anything in life and yet when I look back I can see I´ve been wanting in happiness. I have been running from the light.
With all the good in my life I have still managed to do bad things. I have stolen, killed, lied and made wrong speech. These things have lead me into darkness. And I have been sad. I had not admitted it to myself and many of us never do I think. I was not depressed as the term goes but sad? Yes, a lot of the time I was sad.
I was off the path.
For me Vipassana was like finding the path once more. And finding a means of not becoming lost again. Think of a path in the darkness. When it is dark it is impossible to follow the path as the way is not clear. You may begin on the path but in the darkness you quickly step off it and so leave it behind. So it was for me. I would then try and refind the path, refind the happiness using different means to light my way.
Drugs. Taking drugs often makes you happy. But the feeling is impermanent. Taking a drug is like lighting a bonfire next to the path. All of sudden the path is so clear in front of you. You can see once more the right way to reach true happiness. And so you begin to walk in the right direction again. Only the further you walk the less bright the light from the bonfire becomes. The less clear the path becomes. And so you use more drugs. Throw more fuel onto the fire. It gorws and the light becomes even brighter but still, it runs out eventually and you are once more lost in the darkness.
Money and material objects. These offer a more long lasting form of ´happiness´for some. This is like taking a branch from the fire and using it as a torch to follow the path. You will get a lot further and see the path much more clearly but as with the drugs, this too will fade. The joy will pass and you will find yourself either wandering lost again or going back to the fire to get another torch (seeking more material objects). And so you will again begin the futile run up the path with your impermanent torch of happiness.
Vipassana provides a means to light the path permanently. It is like receiving one of those wind up dynamic torches. You can use this torch to follow the Dhamma path as far as it goes. The path to true happiness. As long as you wind the handle, the torch will continue to provide you with the light to find your way. If you get lazy and stop winding, the light will fade and you will become lost once more. But now that you have the torch, whenever you begin to wind it again, you will once more be able to find the path. You will never lose this. Winding the torch is synnonamous with following Vipassana. Continuing to follow the five precepts, meditating morning and night and sharing what good you can with others. As long as you continue to do these things you are continuing to wind the torch.
And when you look into it. Who doesn´t want to follow the path? Where is the difficulty? What is wrong with the precepts for instance? Abstain from stealing? We can all see the sense in this. No sexual misconduct? This is not abstinance we are talking about, this is sex without consent or understanding. Wrong speech. To tell no lies. Hard to achieve but again, when you think about it, why do we need to be told? No intoxicants. Again, hard, but in the long term, if we are happy, drugs are not needed and I have seen the damage they do. To abstain from killing any sentient being? Life is life in any form. Who are we to end it? Play god?
And yet I want to say, I do not follow these five explicitly. For me I begin where I can and believe just being aware is a start. The idea that it is the thought that counts holds true in my eyes. If you tell a lie but only to reduce anothers suffering is it really so wrong? To kill to put an animal out of pain? To steal to survive? I do not know the answers yet. I am just beginning the long walk down the path. But as long as you think each time you act, remain aware of the reasoning behind your actions, that at least is a start. With time you can make your own mind up on each of the five.
As Buddha always said,
“Do not believe anything I say because I have said it. Believe it only once you have experienced it yourself”
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